Ask The Counselor -

Hi... Welcome to my Interactive! page. This is the spot where I answer reader's questions about life, relationships, online counseling services, mental health topics, treatment issues and more- whatever is on your mind or weighing heavy on your heart. This free service is provided as a courtesy to Grace Tree's visitors and is not intended to replace traditional therapy which promotes a much deeper level of personal healing and growth through personalized counseling services. You can always order professional online counseling services at my website if you'd like further personal counsel and encouragement. So, feel free to submit a question for review. You may remain anonymous if you like, and patience is required because there's been quite an overwhelming response here and there are many questions waiting in the wings! If your question is chosen it will be posted here with my response and may be appropriately edited to save space. Just remember, this is a public forum and all questions are subject to screening and approval.

I look forward to reading your questions and helping out as I can. So,CLICK HERE NOW to Ask The Counselor, or click on Comments/Trackbacks below. And, be sure to check back in for weekly updates to start again soon!

Regards!
Carole L. Miller, LCSW-C
Grace Tree Counseling Services

Hope For Batterers' Through Online Treatment

Dear Grace,
Can you provide online or phone therapy for domestic violence? I am looking for batterers' specific treatment and am not court ordered.

Thanks,
Michael


Hello Michael,
First off, I commend you for writing in about this issue and being so honest. Even with all the information we have given it as a society over the past several decades, domestic violence remains a common struggle for many individuals and couples. Many people don't seek help due to deep feelings of shame, guilt and fear, though keeping oneself isolated isn't the answer because historically domestic violence escalates over time if untreated.

Online therapy is certainly one mode of treatment that you can choose. Deciding on a counseling venue is a personal decision that only you can make. Traditional batterers' therapy consists of both individual therapy in conjunction with group based accountability therapy. The individual component of the treatment involves being able to focus solely on yourself in one-on-one therapy, as to uncover and deal with why and how your abusive behaviors manifest themselves. This helps to be able to work towards any personal healing that may be needed and on changing those behaviors. The group aspect affords the opportunity to bond and connect with others who are facing similar issues and struggles, and also gives a mechanism for individual accountability within the context of treatment. Without one or the other component, any treatment you decide on would likely have less of an impact.

The real issue at hand Michael is to seek out that therapy you need and to make the commitment to follow through with it. Online counseling can work well for the individual component of the therapy. It can give you the chance to fully explore the deeper issues and struggles going on inside so you can gain personal understanding to make the necessary changes you need to stop those abusive behaviors you struggle with. You could also work on ways you can incorporate some type of group component or other viable alternative into your treatment so you can get the best of what that offers too. For instance, this could be done through a local support group, a pastoral relationship, a men's accountability group, etc. Whatever you decide Michael, I wish you and your family the best, and if you'd like to work together on the issue further just contact me again and we'll tackle it together!

Sincerely,
Carole L. Miller, LCSW-C

Abuse in a Christian Marriage

Hello Grace Tree,
I've been praying for this answer. Maybe you can help me. About five months ago my husband of five years got drunk. He choked me and hit me. He is a believer as I am. I immediately told my friends who are my support. They prayed with me and continually are doing so. I also told his family. I did so in order to not have to keep this secret to my self. I strongly believe it is better to not cover up abuse. I am a survivor of sexual abuse. God has walked me through those issues and I continue to rely on him for guidance. The dilemma I'm facing is my husband apologized and repented. He even started therapy. He had to discontinue going because we aren't able to afford it. I've tried to be understanding to his situation. He got back from Iraq one year ago. He comes from a family history of domestic violence. My reliance on God is my only answer for my own healing. I feel though that I'm pulling away from my husband, as if I can have no true respect for him. I no longer trust him. He is a humble person, but I feel a wall now between us so thick I have no clue how to tear it down. I wonder if other Christian couples have gone through this. It is something very shameful. I feel stuck. Can you give me some resources that might help me, maybe a book or support for Christian women. I believe God can heal my marriage and that I am not in any harm. I am in need of help though, and I do have a hard time feeling intimate with him now. Is that common? Should I be ashamed for staying with him?

Thank You,
Crystal


Hello Crystal,
My heart goes out to you in this very painful situation and I believe that any feelings you have regarding what happened between you and your husband are valid. Many other couples, both Christian and non-Christian have dealt with this problem too Crystal, and have come through it healed and recovered after both doing the work they need to do to get beyond it. I don't think you need to be ashamed at all for staying with your husband, and your feelings of distrust and fear are all very normal. On the contrary, your choice to stay with him at this point in time reflects your love for him and commitment to your marriage. But, you do need to make sure that you both continue to take the steps necessary to make your marriage a 'safe place' for you to remain.

The feelings you're likely dealing with Crystal are anger, pain, betrayal, fear, trauma, sadness, shame and more. These are very common feelings for abuse victims, and in order to get past them they have to be acknowledged and dealt with. Leaning on God in this situation can bring much comfort and strength, and God can aid and heal your marriage relationship. However, a large part of the healing process that needs to take place comes from the deeper connections that God affords us, connecting with our feelings and conflicts inside ourselves, and connecting with others outside who can help us. One of the primary ways we heal from such situations involves caring and supportive relationships with others. And I think it's very positive that you shared the incident with your friends and families and did not cover things up. That's a great step because covering up such severe problems only serves to keep them in the dark and continues to give them power.

I also think its unfortunate that your husband had to stop counseling. I think it would benefit you both if you could find a way to get back into professional treatment. Without some clear boundaries and continued work on the issue of change, there is a high likelihood that a recurrent abusive episode can occur. Your husband also has the experience of having been in Iraq, and it could be that some of this overseas experience is tied into his old familial domestic violence issues coming up to the surface. If you can't afford individual therapy for your husband, at a minimum I encourage you to seek out support for both of you where you can. Organizations like churches, hospitals, community centers and recovery groups sometimes offer free support groups or individual counseling based on a sliding scale fee. And since you're both believers it might be really helpful to consider joining a local young couple's bible study group where you can both find the support and accountability needed to heal your marriage. Online counseling is also more affordable than traditional therapies and may be an option to consider. The main thing is not to remain closed and isolated about the issue and to seek out all the help you can. God has a way of providing help for us if we actively seek and reach out to others for help on the journey. I pray that God will bless and heal your marriage Crystal, and if I can be of further service please contact me.

Sincerely,
Carole L. Miller, LCSW-C

Healing From Past Abuse

I was just wondering roughly how long it take to heal from emotional and verbal abuse if you are in counseling?
Dee


Hello Dee,
Thanks for writing in and asking such an important question. I'm sure it's of interest to many readers. Healing from the pain of any type of abuse is usually a very individual journey and the process is unique to each person. Such healing often takes place over a considerable amount of time, even years, and the level of progress really depends on the person, level of abuse and the circumstances involved.

No one can accurately predict when anyone will 'heal' from past abuse, and many people find that healing and making peace with the past occurs at various times throughout a person's life span. Some people make many gains after a few years of therapy and are able to 'let go' and move on without any further effects. Others report the same gains, but also add that the pain of the past sometimes comes up once in awhile and they need to revisit the grieving-healing process at times. However, this is when they put into practice what they've learned before while in therapy as to help them along. The counseling process can be very beneficial in learning new skills in how to cope and continue to heal when 'stuff' comes up after moving on from therapy. One thing I've learned over the years in my professional practice counseling others is that the healing & grieving process can often be a life long process, which does wane though as time goes on. And, if a person can recognize and accept the healing process as a life journey there is much more serenity and peace found along the way.

Thanks again for your inquiry Dee, and I wish you all the best on your healing journey!

Sincerely,
Carole L. Miller, LCSW-C

How Do I Honor My Mother?

Dear Grace,
Can I ask what it means to honour your mother? I have a mom who is very critically abusive to me and one Christian brother told me that I have to put up with her put-downs because God commanded me to honor her. At what point does it stop? She is beginning to affect my marriage and my emotional well-being. Thank you for any comments or insights you may have!
Denise


Hello Denise,
I am glad you wrote in on this topic, because as Christians honoring our parents is an important aspect of our walk with God. The little child inside all of us wants to love our parents, and even longs to give them respect which they sometimes don't deserve from our perspective. For many people from hurtful family backgrounds, honoring a parent may mean having to do so despite how they are treated in return. Or, it may include the need to not overly focus on aspects of what has happened in one's childhood that has caused emotional, mental and even physical scarring that a parent may be responsible for.

Despite family dysfunction it is good for us to honor our parents for as the Lord says, "Honor thy father and thy mother so that your days may be long in the land that I have given you." This is the first of the Ten Commandments given that contains a promise directly from God for the choice of our actions and responses in that regard. I believe God also knows how deeply hard it is for some of us to carry this out so He often provides comfort, strength and community to help us do so. And, while it's true that God desires for us to honor our parents he does not state or demand that we need to endure further abuse at their hands in doing so. For many adult-children life was painful as a child, and even severe maltreatment and pain were things that had to be accepted and endured to survive. As an adult though, one can safely choose to shield and protect the self from further harm and still honor his/her parents.

Different people choose to honor difficult and abusive parents in different ways. It may be helpful for you to learn to have a suitable relationship with your mother based on healthy, loving boundaries. Learning about healthy, appropriate personal boundaries in family relationships provides a way for everyone in the family to be honored and respected, not just your mother. A good read on this topic is Townsend and Cloud's book "Boundaries." It addresses the many ways that a person can establish safe relational boundaries while honoring their parents and themselves. To some people honoring their mother may mean a need to acknowledge her positive gifts of motherhood in ways that don't allow for further abuse. This may be regular phone conversations or visits with stated limitations where expectations are clear to both parties. For others in extreme cases who opt for no contact it may mean volunteering at a women's shelter, making a donation to a charity involving young unwed mother's, or some other type of ministry activity that includes honoring the spirit of their mother and motherhood in general. In sum, there are different ways that you can honor your mother without subjecting yourself to further abuse and you don't need to feel guilty about it. God commands "honor your mother and father", because most parents do love their children at some level despite their dysfunctions and parenthood is often a tough, thankless job! But who is truly 'deserving' of anything? But if love is good for all of our souls, then giving grace to others includes learning to include our parents on some level as well. I think God is well pleased with us when we find ways to impart grace to our parents despite feelings of hurt or other abusive issues. He is always ready to help us find creative solutions to the problems of our hearts. So consider and pray, and ask God for the solution that is right for both of you!

Sincerely,
Carole L. Miller, LCSW-C

Online Counseling Considerations

Ms. Miller,
Mine is not a comment, but rather a question. In your Internet counseling how do you deal with issues of confidentiality, licensure and competence? Do you ever deal with crisis issues?
Christine


Hello Christine,
You asked some very good questions about online counseling and I'll tackle each issue one at a time. First, confidentiality of online clients is maintained just as it would be in a traditional office setting. There, files are kept locked in a filing cabinet and no one has access to them except the treatment team and agency administration for billing purposes. When a client orders e-counseling services at Grace Tree the information included on the Secure Order form is protected by the latest security protocols and cannot be accessed by anyone outside of Grace Tree. The information cannot be intercepted in cyberspace and it isn't stored anywhere out in cyberspace. All safety measures are taken to prevent this and the information comes directly to Grace Tree's server and is stored there. You can tell if a website's order form is secure by checking for the little security logo on the order form's page. This logo tells you that the company processing the order has all safety measures in place. Additionally, our company servers are highly secure, protected by firewalls and encryption codes, and more.

Also, when someone purchases e-mail counseling services they are assigned their own personal secure e-mail account that is accessed right off that company-protected server. They receive their own unique logon ID and password so no one else can access that account. For example, if you set up an e-mail account with Yahoo any mail you get is stored on shared servers and you don't really know who has access to your e-mail or other information. At Grace Tree I am the only individual who has access to clients accounts and information. And, all data is maintained electronically in this fashion and password protected. The security process for this is the highest that is currently available!

You also asked about licensure. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in the state of Maryland, USA. Potential clients can always verify my credentials through the official Maryland State licensing board via a link right on my website. Though I am only licensed in Maryland State, I work with clients around the country and even outside the USA. It is always their choice to contract for services with me. There is much movement among social workers and other mental health professionals to relax or collapse state licensing regulations in an effort to provide some type of national licensing for professionals. Licensing procedures and requirements are very similar in all 50 states and many professionals argue that the time for this is long overdue, especially given the nature and fluidity of services that the Internet and related communications offer people. Many other developed countries do not have regional licensing and offer basic national licensing to their professionals. And e-counseling by telephone has been around for years and years, and has been proven to be one of the best modes of personal counsel for many. Interestingly, it was resisted early on until the success of crisis lines and other venues became very apparent in the mental health field.

As far as dealing with competence, I am very honest with potential clients and all my areas of specialty are listed right on my website. Clients usually know well in advance if I can help them or not by browsing the site. Sometimes I do field e-mail inquiries from people who ask if I can help them. If I feel I cannot help a client with their issues I let them know as soon as it becomes apparent and make recommendations for other services that I think would be more helpful to them. I do sometimes handle e-mails that are crisis oriented, but they are very few. I also think the term 'crisis' can be defined differently by people. As a professional, an example of a pressing crisis such as someone who is actively suicidal would not be something that could be handled well through online counseling. That individual would be encouraged to seek local help right away. However, if someone was faced with making a big decision in life and considered it 'a crisis point' in his/her life, I could help with processing those thoughts and feelings aid the decision making process for that person. In sum, I relate personally to each potential client and work with him/her on deciding if online counseling services are something they may benefit from. It's always up to the individual and I encourage all my clients to communicate the helpfulness of services as we go along. I think issues of competence are very relevant, for both online and traditional face-to-face counseling methods.

I hope this has helped answer some of your concerns Christine. I am a very sincere professional and competent in my areas of expertise. And, I am pleased to say that my clients agree as well.

Warm Regards,
Carole L. Miller, LCSW-C

Lessons From Noah's Ark

Hello Readers,
Here is a cute little tidbit of wisdom that was sent to me recently by a good friend so I thought I'd share it with all. I think it cleverly outlines the very important little things to pay attention to and keep in our hearts during life's journey with all its blessings and trials. It's so easy to get bogged down and lost at times, and sometimes we just need to be reminded where a healthy focus lies. There's an emphasis here on both individuality and comunity which I especially like because we all need each other no matter what we may be dealing with personally. And working together is the best way to enjoy life to the full as God is intended for all of us. Enjoy!


"Evereything I need to know I learned from Noah's Ark"

1) Don't miss the boat!
2) Remember that we are all in the same boat.
3) Plan ahead- It wasn't raining when Noah built the boat.
4) Stay fit- When you're sixty someone may ask you to do something really big!
5) Don't listen to critics- Just get on with the job that needs to be done.
6) Build your future on high ground.
7) For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
8) Speed isn't always an advantage- The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
9) When you're stressed just float awhile!
10) Remember, the ark was built by amateurs and the Titanic by professionals.
11) No matter what the storm, when you're with God there's always a rainbow waiting!

Warm Regards,
Carole L. Miller, LCSW-C

Romans Revised For Recovery!

Here's a special holiday message of hope for all my readers who struggle with addiction, codependency and other issues whether its food, alcohol, sex, pornography, work, drugs, religion, cigarettes, people-pleasing, approval seeking, perfectionism, obesessing, depression, anxiety, victimization, childhood pains, deep grief, an empty heart and more. You know, whatever we're recovering from we all fall short at times in our efforts to maintain sobriety or change our old attitudes and habits, but God will always be there for us no matter what. If we pick ourselves up after each fall and 'keep on keeping on', he is ever faithful! In the book of Romans, Paul understood this so clearly and came to rely solely on God's grace for his sustenance, and two millenium later we too have learned to believe in a power greater than ourselves to restore us to sanity. In this New Year remember to rely on his loving kindness and mercy, for it is sufficient for ALL of us! Have a Happy New Year and spend some time reflecting on God's goodness and unbelievable forgiveness by considering his amazing grace and unconditional love!

Much Love,
Carole L. Miller, LCSW-C


Struggling to Recover!

"God’s design is good then. The trouble is not with his desire for me, but with me, because I am sold into slavery with my old ways, my old attitudes, beliefs and behaviors as my master. Sometimes I don’t understand myself at all, for I really want to what is right, what is good, new and healthy, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do the very thing I am trying to recover from! I know perfectly well that what I am doing is harmful to myself and others, and my renewed mind shows that I agree that God’s design for my life is so very good. But I can’t help myself, because it is my old ways inside, those old tapes that play and knee-jerk reactions which make me perpetuate these unhealthy ways.

I know I am sick, through and through, so far as my old dysfunctional nature is concerned. No matter which way I turn, I can’t make myself change! I want to change, but I can’t. When I want to step out in faith and do things differently, as God would have me do them, I don’t. And when I try not to do the same old thing, I do it anyway. But, if I am doing what I don’t want to do, then I am not really the one doing it, the old me within is doing it, not the "recovered me."

It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what is healthy and right, I inevitably do what is not, the same old-same old. I love God’s ways with all my heart. But there is another way at work within me that is at war with my desire to change and to grow into his likeness. These ways usually win the fight, and make me a slave to the old ways still at work within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by my old habits and is dying? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So, you see how it is: In my mind I really want to trust and embrace God’s heart, truly he desires my recovery. I so want to break free! But, because of my damaged nature I am often a slave to those same old ways within."

Romans Revised For Recovery - Romans 7:14-25

Marriage Vows- Looking Through God's Eyes

Dear Ms. Miller,
My girlfriend and I have been dating since last November. We were both recently separated from our spouses. We said in the beginning that it was important to save ourselves for marriage. We did however progress in our intimacy and one evening she asked about making love. At that point I kind of pulled back and we went to another room to talk. We talked and we prayed and asked for guidance. Several days later we talked and felt as though we were meant for each other and we made a commitment to one another to spend the rest of our lives together and that it would not be wrong in God's eyes for us to come together completely as one. The problem now is that after 10 months of being together and making decisions together and functioning as one unit, she now feels that pre-marital sex is wrong. My feeling is that we made a commitment before God and that commitment created our marriage. Is it possible to have a spiritual marriage without having a legal marriage? Have we been wrong all this time? I just don't know what to do now because it feels like she won't make any commitment to me. I had never felt so close and so right with anyone in my life. Our decision to make love was not one made lightly and I felt it as an oath to devote our lives to one another, it was not just an act of lust. It was honestly the most beautiful thing I ever experienced. Is there any help you can give me to show me that it takes more that a man, a woman, and God to create a marriage. Does there have to be a public ceremony? Am I way off base here? Early in our relationship she used to say "we are in this world, not of this world." That made so much sense to me. Now it has all seemed to change, and I am scared that we may not make it. I don't know how to live without her. Any help that you can provide that may save us would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
-James


Dear James,
You ask some very good questions, and some very controversial ones, that aren’t new by any means! People and cultures have been dealing with the concept of life-long unions for many centuries, and have come to differing conclusions, some of which seem to cycle back in and out of history. While my answer certainly isn’t going to please everyone, I’ll do my best to describe and define God’s perspective on the whole matter since you are obviously asking your questions from a spiritual standpoint.

In trying to understand God’s view on the matter one must carefully consider his holy character and precepts. His holiness refers to his unerring nature or his total purity and righteousness, in that he can never do anything wrong (sin). He does what he says, and his word is always his bond. Therefore, he cannot break his word. Though he has no written contract with us he has given us his word, a holy oath, and if we claim to follow him he in turn asks that we emulate him and make our word as good as his. As stated in Matthew 5:33-37 he says, “Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.’ But I tell you, do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God's throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’, anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” Just as the people of his time sought wiggle room to break laws not sworn to God, Jesus reminds us that any time we make an oath, or a ‘vow’, we are bound by God’s laws whether swearing by heaven or earth, and about any matter, witnessed or not. Any time we make a vow it is a spiritually binding act. God’s precepts refer to his laws, laws for dealing with the world around us, with others and our own behaviors, attitudes and feelings. He’s given us his precepts to operate by because he realizes we are so prone to making up our own as we go along! Therefore, many of our own socio-cultural laws originate from God’s own prescribed biblical-Mosaic laws from God himself so there could be no doubt as to how he wanted things to be. Biblically there is no prescribed physical marriage act or law other then a sacred promise between three- man, woman and God, which could not be broken without just cause (death, adultery, etc.)

So, in God’s eyes, whether there is a ‘spiritual marriage’ with a promise or commitment, or a cultural civil ceremony with a piece of signed paper, it is one in the same. However, throughout history man has chosen to define the spiritual commitment with the civil act by emulating solemn ceremonies witnessed by others out of necessity for many reasons, chief among them being that man is deceitful and will want to break a vow! A ceremony of ‘wedding vows’ and a signed marriage decree witnessed by others is actually a version of the ancient traditional marriage contract. In some countries and states today common law marriage, a marriage without a ceremony or signed contract, is accepted solely by consent and behavior of the couple involved without ceremony or any type of registration.

As for your girlfriend, perhaps she’s anxious and having second thoughts about your spiritual vows to each other having any deep meaning, and has decided that she desires a ceremonial commitment before others before partaking in the intimate sexual benefits of a life-long commitment. Promising to love and to cherish another person before others creates that traditional contract and often a deeper sense of security about such an important commitment between two people. It also protects both parties involved both legally and civilly. I hope this has helped some James and I hope that you and your girlfriend will be able to work things out in a way that honors both God and both of your individual needs and desires. May God bless your final decision!

Sincerely,
Carole L. Miller, LCSW-C

When is it Love?

Dear Ms. Miller,
I think I am falling in love. I work a full time ministry job and don't make much money. And, I live in dorm style housing and I am still trying to pay back debts so the timing is horrible. I have thought I was in love before, but I was wrong. I don't know what to do. Please, how do you know it is love and not a crush or strong affection? When is it right to call it love? I don't know, help!
-James


Dear James,
Thanks for writing in with this most fascinating, and sometimes elusive, question. It sounds like you’ve had a lot to consider recently. I think the definition of what ‘love’ truly is has evaded, deceived and frustrated many people over the centuries! I like to think of ‘true’ love as it is outlined in I Corinthians 13: “4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails.” Now, this doesn’t mean that you can’t also have romantic and lusty feelings for the woman of your dreams too. When folks are confused about whether they may love someone or not, I think it’s helpful to apply this passage to the relationship, person and situation, and ask yourself some key questions using the context of the passage in unique ways that really speak to you personally. Some examples might be- Am I willing to ‘protect’ who she is as an individual just as she is, or do I wish certain aspects of her were different? Can I give her the time and space she needs to follow God’s will for her life whatever that may be? I am willing to be patient enough to be in this relationship through whatever God has in store, even if that means just being friends? Am I hopeful that God will guide me in the right direction?

Of course, that all applies as ‘second step’ considerations after you’ve determined that most all other basic compatibility requirements have been met by your love too, meaning that there aren’t any ‘red flags’ in your relationship or in regards to her character that you are just looking past. People are sometimes afraid to acknowledge any misgivings because it might make the relationship feel more insecure. While in the short run it might, in the long run they are worth looking at and considering as you become aware of them. Most people who think they are in love and discover they’re wrong later, usually do so on the basis of learning more about an individual over time after observing more about that person. And, I think the reference to love ‘being patient’ can help in this regard. As humans we often interpret ‘love is patient’ as being patient with a loved one. But, being patient in love can also mean that we are patient with the whole process of getting to know someone as it unfolds and that we are patient in making sure that we are truly embracing God’s will and best match for us as well. I believe that ‘love’ will always prove itself out over time.

As for your ministry job and low pay, they are only factors if you allow them to be. God often works in ways that are mysterious to us and seemingly have bad timing. But, He is always capable of uniting two people that he’d like to see be together regardless of all present conditions. Perhaps the best answer to your concerns here is get busy in prayer and communing with God. Sometimes God will even honor a fleece if we’re really hesitant about things. There is so much more that can be said about love James, and that’s why there’s volumes and volumes of information written on the subject! For more good input on the subject you can also pick up a few Christian books on the subject written specifically for men by trusted Pastoral writers and speakers that you feel comfortable with. There's some great spiritual reads out there on the subject, and I think getting some Godly male advice would be very helpful to you.

I wish you all the best on your quest James as you sound like a great guy and a man after God's own heart. And whoever this lady is, or ends up being, she’ll be one blessed woman to have you by her side!

Warm Regards,
Carole L. Miller, LCSW-C